


To you (by Yoo)

by mkhhhx



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Coming Out, Emotional, Fluff, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Violence, Solo Artist Kihyun, Starship Triplets, kiho monthly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 17:57:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14314077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx
Summary: Kihyun, the brightest star on Hoseok's night sky.





	To you (by Yoo)

**Author's Note:**

> Some songs you can listen to while reading:
> 
> -Yu Seungwoo, Kihyun and Jeongmin- You're beautiful  
> -Jeong Sewoon- The covered up road  
> -Yu Seungwoo- Only U  
> -Jeongmin- What should I do  
> -Kihyun- One more step (She was pretty-OST)

“I’m so tired Hoseok, I can’t, I just can’t do it anymore.” Kihyun manages between sobs rocking his chest, Hoseok holding him against his own body under the dimmed lights of the practice room. The last one in the underground part of the company. Nobody can hear them, nobody will know.

“Kihyun, you are doing so great, I swear you do. Please stop crying, Kihyun please.” Hoseok takes a tissue from his pocket and tries to dry up Kihyun’s damp eyes and cheeks, but the tears keep rolling. It’s the night before the monthly evaluation and Kihyun is a mess, was since Hoseok found him crying alone in the practice room.

“Kihyun, you will strain your voice, you need to get some sleep. You’ll do great tomorrow.” Hoseok tries to reason, but Kihyun curls up to himself and Hoseok can feel him hiccupping, having no more tears to shed.

“I won’t…I won’t be good enough, they will kick me out and then my parents will be so disappointed and…”

“No, Kihyun, no. Stop.” Hoseok keeps his voice stern and serious. “I’ll walk you to the dorm, you’ll get some sleep. You’ll come back here tomorrow and blow their minds.” Kihyun gives him a small nod, wiping snot and tears with his shirt’s sleeves, he’s a mess.

“Hoseok, sometimes I think you are the only one who believes in me.” Kihyun tells him later, when Hoseok lets him in front of the company’s dorms with a few last encouraging words.

Kihyun does great at his monthly evaluation. And the next one. And every single one afterwards.

 

He was only fourteen when he joined the company where Hoseok was already working for a year. His parents were furious when he told them he passed the audition. They knew nothing about it and he was suddenly leaving for Seoul, to live in a dorm with strangers.

His mum called, his dad ignored his existence and hoped his brother would be a better son for him. Kihyun tried staying at school, but everything was so hectic with the vocal lessons and the dance. He eventually dropped out and he knew he would probably regret it, but at the time he couldn’t handle it, everything was already too much for him.

He doubted himself. Every time the vocals teacher shouted at him. Every time the choreographer berated him in front of the whole class because he just couldn’t get the steps right. He was tired, ready to leave everything and go back home with his tail between his legs, face his father, go back to school and try for university. Be everything he didn’t want to.

Hoseok saved him. Hoseok, with his bucket and his mop strolling around the perfectly clean corridors. Kihyun’s lifeline, his first friend and the only person he could trust in the vast city. At first, they just saw each other around, Kihyun in and out of the practice rooms, Hoseok working outside them. Then, they acknowledged each other, a small nod, a “good evening”, so meaningful for Kihyun. He had nobody.

They eventually start making small talk, here and there, at corridors and at the cafeteria.

“I’m a trainee here, a vocalist.” Kihyun said shyly.

“I’m a cleaner, I work every afternoon after school to support my mum.” Hoseok said proudly.

For some reason, Hoseok seemed to like Kihyun. That mess of a boy with anger control issues and self-destructive tendencies. Hoseok always worked until late and Kihyun was always there to practice, until his throat was sore and the doctor could only recommend rest. It was a matter of time before he broke in front of Hoseok, who held Kihyun through it, comforted him and made sure he went home safely. It happened again and again and Hoseok wasn’t losing his patience. He wasn’t losing his faith to Kihyun’s voice.

“You’ll be the brightest star Kihyun. The brightest star in the universe of the idol world. Every man and woman and child will recognize your voice someday.” Hoseok said and held Kihyun’s hand tight. Kihyun was so young, yet he carried the weight of success on his shoulders. Hoseok took some of it.

Kihyun wanted to succeed. For him and for Hoseok. He was seventeen and Hoseok’s words were engraved on his brain, replayed again and again like a mantra.

“I wanted to be a music producer, but we don’t have the money. Working at an entertainment company is more than enough for now. I probably will never make it, but I know you will Kihyunnie. You will make it for the both of us. I believe in you.” He had to make it. He had to make Hoseok happy, proud. He hadn’t realize how much of his thoughts the boy was taking up.

 

Seungwoo and Jeongmin came into Kihyun’s life too. Among the trainees coming and going, all the familiar but not friendly faces, these two settled by his side. The company decided to try putting them into a kind of trainee subunit and release a couple ballads.

Kihyun’s first time in a recording room was terrifying, the vocal teacher watching his every move, criticizing. The music video was better, letting them fool around and when they were done he passed by the company to share the news with Hoseok: people liked their songs. He was a step closer to making it. Hoseok let his mop fall on the floor and hugged him tight.

 

He was eighteen when the company managers made the big announcement to him. He made it. He debuted and he was reaching a goal which was only the start for the many more than would follow. He called his mother first, she dryly congratulated. His father didn’t even reach for the phone.

The other trainees wished him good luck, some genuinely, some with so much jealousy in their voice, but he couldn’t care less. He run all around the company until he found Hoseok and with the little money they had they bought a cake and ate together. Hoseok kissed him in the empty practice room and it tasted like chocolate and new beginnings.

 

Having debuted didn’t make Kihyun’s life easier. If anything, it was harder. He had his first fans, events, music shows, people waiting for him and asking for photos and autographs. They were only a few at first and he wanted to please every single one, sign all the albums shoved in front of his face. Those were the people supporting him and helping him repay back his training costs to the company.

When he would finish repaying, a couple years the managers told him, he could buy so much stuff for himself, maybe travel a bit, see places, get inspired, take Hoseok with him. Hoseok who was hiding into the storage rooms and stealing the company’s Wi-Fi to watch Kihyun’s stages on shows. Hoseok who waited for Kihyun at the practice rooms every night to make sure he was alright. Hoseok who pulled his face mask down and pecked his lips. His Hoseok.

 

“You are not qualified to write your own songs yet, who do you think you are?” His vocal teacher dismissed him, along with the paper with the handwritten lyrics. A song about first loves and new beginnings and taking it slow. But the company had more upbeat songs for him, more high notes and more “S”s as if they wanted to push him to the edge and tease his lisp. At least the fans found it cute.

“It’s not bad”, Jeongmin told him after a few days, holding the tear stained piece of paper. “You’ll make it big and you’ll sing whatever you want, just wait and see!”

“Is it for Hoseok?” Seungwoo teased with a smirk, tracing hearts with his fingers on the cafeteria table.

“It is.” Kihyun looks back at him. “It is for Hoseok hyung.”

“Oh” both boys exclaim. Kihyun will just let them know, he trusts them. He doesn’t feel that much of an artist yet, for all the scandal precautions the managers keep shouting about to make sense to him.

“That’s nice.” Seungwoo finally says, and they don’t talk about it again. Nor with Kihyun and more importantly neither with someone else. He doesn’t blame them for their uneasiness. In a country so preservative, it’s not only brave to be different, but also to be open minded enough to accept those who are.

 

“Hey, you can’t tell, but Seungwoo and Jeongmin are debuting soon!” Hoseok bounces on his heels, the sound muffled by the carpeted floors. “I heard the managers talking when I was cleaning a conference room.”

Kihyun cannot contain his smile. If he wasn’t debuting solo he would really like to make a small group with the other two. Seungwoo with his soft voice and his hands always on his guitar and Jeongmin with his high pitched but so expressive one. They had their lessons together and shared their apartment, their food and their dreams.

“But you never heard anything from me.” Hoseok smiles.

“Heard what?” Kihyun giggles and Hoseok softly kicks him, his mum bringing them cookies and orange juice.

Kihyun was shy around the woman the first times he visited Hoseok’s house, slept over even, expecting all parents to be strict and uptight like his own. Hoseok’s mum is nothing like it, she’s all warm smiles and hugs and the house smells like baked goods and kimchi.

“He’s so hardworking. I couldn’t ask for a better son and yet, god blessed me with a second one.” She said once to Kihyun, while Hoseok had fallen asleep and he was helping her clean the kitchen.

“Your son is the one who deserves all the praise miss. He graduated on top of his class after all.”

“Kihyun, dear, don’t underestimate your efforts. I saw you on the tv the other day. I know how hard you work. And I know how much you love my son.”

“Do you…do you approve…?” The question left Kihyun’s lips in a fit of emotion.

“My dear, I see how you look at each other. Of course I do.” And a weight so heavy is lifted off of Kihyun’s chest and when Hoseok wakes up a bit later, he questions why Kihyun is smiling so brightly.

 

“Congratulations!” Kihyun feels teary congratulating his friends on their debut. They hug him back tightly and make a little celebratory dance.

“Off to take all the awards now!” Kihyun puffs his chest, pointing at the end of the company offices, at the large piece of furniture holding all the awards of the previous and present artists. They promise to make it together to the top of the charts, someday.

 

A new choreographer comes to the company. Kihyun knows he’s lacking and Hoseok is the first one to discover the black and blue bruises on his ribs, a night they lay together at the latter’s bed and Kihyun’s shirt is riding up a bit too high.

Hoseok stares and Kihyun cannot push his shirt back down, make him forget. He doesn’t want to lie to Hoseok, his lover. He neither wants to make him worried  so he keeps his mouth shut for as long as he can. Then Hoseok comes even closer to him, chest to chest with their noses touching each other.

“What is that Kihyunnie? Did you fall during practice?” He looks and touches and Kihyun flinches, it stings.

“I…” he starts and doesn’t know how to continue, but Hoseok gets it. He doesn’t say anything to Kihyun but his eyes turn ice cold, nothing like the soft and calm brown they usually are.

Kihyun knows he shouldn’t be scared of this side of Hoseok, not when in the middle of the next dance practice a manager barges in and finds the choreographer with one hand lifted, too close to Seungwoo. From the open door, Kihyun can see Hoseok, standing at the corridor, with a smile on his face.

“I’ll protect you” he mouths and Kihyun takes his word for it.

 

Four years later and Kihyun is traveling around the world, Hoseok trapped inside his phone’s screen. World tours, recordings, Japanese promotions. They take their toll on him and everything he has built starts breaking, only for Hoseok to piece him back together every time they meet.

Hoseok with his soft fingers and his gentle mouth. Kissing and caressing and praising, as if he was made just for Kihyun.

And he questions what he can give back, so he gives his voice. The most precious of his belongings, sold out for thousand in venues around the globe. Every song he sings, it is for Hoseok, every time he falls and trips, the thought of his lover makes him stand up. The sooner he gets up on his feet the sooner he’ll be again in his arms.

 

His manager eventually finds out after a fansign and screams to Kihyun the whole night. When the sun comes back up on the horizon Kihyun states that his personal life is not to be questioned. He leaves the room and they send him a new manager the next day.

 

Then, a new trainee ready to debut comes and Kihyun feels like he became big brother. He wants to guide him, tell him it’s going to be okay, tell him the higher ups are gonna debut him and agrees on singing live together and featuring Sewoon in his new song. For Sewoon, Kihyun is the brightest star in the universe, just like some years ago was K.Will for Kihyun, an unattainable dream.

Year five and Kihyun finds himself breaking down every other day. The diets are hard on his body and his voice needs rest. Not a good night of rest, but days, months even. The company doesn’t allow him but Hoseok’s mum prepares chamomile and homemade food for him, her son holding Kihyun all through the night until he has enough strength to go for one more day. The sales are rising, he should be happy.

Hoseok isn’t mopping corridors anymore, they hired a new kid. He finished college, the degree hung up on the living room wall. He works at an electronics company, a large one and it’s not what he was dreaming off but he’s living just fine. Maybe he’ll take up online music production courses, sometime. Kihyun offers to pay for those more than once, but doesn’t take Hoseok’s decline at heart.

“Save it” Hoseok tells him, half-serious, half-joking “and we’ll buy a house, later.”

Kihyun puts everything in his bank account, the only compulsive purchase those extra drinks every second Friday he goes out with Jeongmin and maybe that fluffy jacket. And those new shoes for Siwoon, he needs them and Kihyun is dutiful when it comes to the kid.

 

He hasn’t seen his own parents in years, hasn’t heard their voices or had any kind of message. He should be missing them, but he can’t, not when Hoseok’s mum has a framed photo of him on her wall and bought her son a double bed to fit them together out of her own money. On his spare weekends, he helps her with grocery shopping and cooking, regaining a sense of family.

Once she calls Siwoon and Jeongmin and Seungwoo over for Hoseok’s birthday dinner and it’s the happiest Kihyun has ever felt since that first kiss with his lover. It’s obvious to everyone that they are together, Hoseok holding his hand under the table but they receive only happiness and good hearted cooing.

 

It’s the last year of the contract and Kihyun knows he will break it. His fame coming to a peak, every man and woman and child knowing his name. And if they don’t, they will surely know his voice. Too many songs, OSTs, appearances in variety shows.

He is sincere with the fans, says openly in public that he has a relationship and lets them play detective, connecting bits and pieces from each of his interviews. They know it is a man and nobody talks about it. Nobody discovers it’s Hoseok and the managers cannot stay mad at him. Not when he makes so much money and definitely not when they want him to renew that contract.

 

They try one last time. His own show for Christmas. Siwoon will be with him, doing his back vocals and promoting himself, but Kihyun is basically on his own. They tell him to choose the songs and make a playlist, a happy one, they insist.

It gets hectic around September. Hoseok is taking his online courses at last and he’s not that good at it yet. Kihyun asks him to make music for a song anyway, and as always Hoseok cannot say no to him. Kihyun gets locked up to his studio for long hours and works frantically.

Maybe it was a mistake because he has never worked on a song alone before, but he pushes forward until a few days before the show he’s pleased enough with himself. Jeongmin is the only one to hear and he approves and that’s all that matters.

It’s the last time Kihyun will set foot on a stage, he’s not made for this kind of life and he knows it. Maybe he’ll go back to school, maybe start working, having enough time to help with the chores back at home every day.

His manager has given him a couple tickets for the show’s first rows, “for your family” he had said and Kihyun made good use of them.

He spots Hoseok and his mum, sitting at the first row, eyes already shining with unshed tears. Kihyun walks to the microphone, expensive tailored suit hanging nicely on his slim frame. Hoseok’s favorite tie around his neck. He takes a paper out of his pocket, ripped and wrinkled and he already knows each and every word but he wants to have it in his hands, the proof that he made it, he can finally sing his own song, for Hoseok.

 

“I’ll take one more step to you

 I’ll only look at you

 Even if I lose my everything

 I won’t regret it

 I love you”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
